Changes

Change is never easy. Especially when it effects everything and everyone.
My health had slowly declined over the last few years. But I ignored it as long as I could, right up to the birth of my seventh child. Then I guess the body was too tired.
My 2011 year was spend in doctors and hospitals but I still tried to homeschool my older four kids . But I knew I was not doing what they needed. I was stressed and the school work was not going well.
The hardest decision was saying I cant homeschool anymore. Though it tore me apart I wanted to make the best decision for everyone.
I was depressed the first month of school, crying because I felt like such a failure.
Trusting God with this move was a huge trial. I hid it from most people, embarrassed to admit that I had to stop doing what I believed to be the right thing for my kids. It was the responses from those that believe homeschooling is the only choice, that i feared and that they would think Im a terrible mom. I know ive thought that of myself, that i should have found more strength or grace to do what i still think is the ideal place for kids, home.
Im going through blood test still, it may be that I have a mild case of Lupus, so getting better isnt in the cards, just management of the symptoms.
My lesson in this is to find the priorities. Being mom and loving my kids is far more important then where they go to get an education. So thats where my heart is now, pouring my love and support over my little ones.